Here's what i'm thinking..

Mmmmm… I did it wrong and… a light?

What am I supposed to do with my will? Even though I try to put everything of it on every single part of my days, weeks, months I just can’t get what I suppose to get by now. Taking time to think about mistakes is good. It makes you feel better inside ‘cause you can realize that you’re still a simple human being and the world, God or life is giving you a chance to make things right this time. Like I heard once: “ilusión de una esperanza renovada”; illusion of a brand new hope. When it’s about your self-esteem, your qualities, abilities, dreams, projects, your whole YOU, it’s hard to leave everything you’ve been living on behind. To forget how much you tried or didn’t. How much you wanted that in your life. Sounds simple but it’s difficult. But then you start thinking… even watching in front of you like a movie flash-forward scene… there you are, after all those hard times. You survived and you’re reaching what you wanted mostly. You can see yourself making your dreams come true and your eyes… your eyes are full of glee, strength and hope. Yep, hope a brand new one and there is when you see that beautiful sparkle on them that reminds you that everything is possible, that you have to keep pushing ‘til you get what you want, that this is what life’s about. Would everything make sense if dreams came true so easy? Don’t really think so at all. God’s given to us different qualities to face every problem now it’s up to us to know and find out how to use every single one of them. That’s the key. On my case I will try to make more effort on the ones I have. Just don’t wanna waste more time thinking about my ego and what people’s gonna think or talk about me. That just doesn’t even matter.

Straightaway after I read the previous paragraph came to my mind… other sparkling eyes. The difference between these ones and mine was the first ones belong to a manly face. Wanna guess? JJ… obviously just couldn’t miss something so reflexive. What? Am I wrong? Why… oh right. He’s not N right? Got it. Then… why is he appearing here? One long answer. Just the fact to see and keep watching for a while his eyes… yep, it’s like… it feels like you… you could see… through them. What? What did I see? I… didn’t see anything. We’re metaphorically speaking. But… I… I forgot… all. All my fears, prejudices, sufferings, falls, just all. What was strong on my mind all the time… Hope. Like all I ever need to keep going was him… and if that happens just to look to his eyes… I can’t even imagine how it would be if I ever meet him. It felt like he was the beginning of something so much brighter and better… I wanna make it clear I’m not in the darkness and on the bottom and stuff. It’s just I’m a teenager –I guess I’m 18 does it count?- and I’m living hard times ‘cause there’s so many things I have to do to make come true my dreams and it’s hard for so many reasons and I just like writing down. That’s how I express myself and I truly believe that if a sparkle or light just like the one that gets light on me when I look at him were always in my life it’d be so much easy and pleasing. Just saying, just that.